You would never have guessed this happened but...

One late night in an unfamiliar room, I woke up restless from a deep sleep that was disrupted by the twinkling lights coming from my open window. I walked out onto my balcony, and found my favourite pair of shoes which I slipped on immediately. I was already fully dressed so I decided to leave my hotel for the night, and headed straight out of my dark, wooden door. I didn't like the feeling of being alone so i began to run along a brick road lit with lights shining from the lanterns, trying to find a friendly face in this crowd full of people. I decided to read the signs, to decipher where I was, and I seemed to be located somewhere in Paris, France. (As if the Eiffel Tower wasn't a dead give-away.) I walked into a dim bar, full of French men and woman who shouted random words which I somewhat understood. Each individual in the room had glasses in front of them filled with a yellow substance, which appeared to be alcoholic. It didn't take too long for me to find a seat, where a French business man handed me a glass and said "ayez une boisson!" (have a drink!) I tasted the strange brew, and it had a sudden warming effect on my body. It tasted rather pleasant. This drink seemed to have brainwashed everyone who consumed it, but it did the opposite to my body. I noticed every little motion made by every person in the surrounding area. Even though many of the women sat as still as statues, I could see the goose bumps on their skin appear whenever they smelt the drink being poured. I stood up, and headed towards the exit of the bar. As I stepped out, I took a deep breath and saw that right outside the doors a man was standing, hidden in the shadows. He looked familiar, but I couldn't pin point who he was until he lifted his head. It was Chris Brown, and he had made a visit to Paris. I walked over to him, and decided to introduce myself. After all, he was the only face I found comforting in a place with such a different atmosphere. After a few minutes of chatting, we decided to find a quiet place to continue our conversation. We found a seat on a nearby park bench, and watched happy couples pass by holding hands in the "city of love." I decided to ask Chris about his relationship with Rihanna (this would come in handy for blackmail, if need be.) He told me that they kept arguing about how annoying her hit single "Umbrella" had become. This had caused a hole in their relationship, and she became paranoid about his every move. After giving him some valuable advice, (and agreeing that the song had become annoying) we left the park, and headed to a local McDonald's to get a bite to eat. We sat down, and my mind began roaming. After seeing the media describe them as a perfect couple, the way he explained their relationship proved that it may not be what it seems. I began to think of Rihanna as a controlling, over-obsessive girlfriend with rage blackout issues. The princess of Barbados? She could never be like that! Just as I took another bite of my Big Mac, I heard shrieks coming from various tables in the restaurant. I turned around to see the enraged face of Rihanna, staring at me with her wide hazel eyes. Seeing Chris with another girl must have pushed her to the edge, because she began to throw anything she could get her hands on. I ran into the play place, and dived into the pool full of plastic balls. The table she threw at me must have blocked her vision because she couldn't figure out where I had hid. I watched her rush out the doors with Chris following right behind. I guess that this is the reason why she named her latest album "Good Girl Gone Bad." When the coast was clear, I went back to my table with my Big Mac and pulled out my Blackberry. I decided to go to on a celebrity gossip website and check ou the latest news. In bold letters at the top of my screen read: "Chris Brown arrested for assaulting Rihanna!" From this day on, I knew would never drink another alcoholic beverage.
... And I swear to you, this is exactly how it all went down.